I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
