I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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