He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
