I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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