i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
