I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
