Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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