I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
