I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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