thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
