so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize