and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
handjob tips. give me some.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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