if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
