Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
