Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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