using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
