Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
