I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
