It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
