Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
