i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
