are you still at the devil's house?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
