Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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