I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
