Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
