I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
