I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
