i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize