My hand turned me down
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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