Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
