he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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