i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
