It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
