So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
