I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
third nipple confirmed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
