I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
