I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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