I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
