who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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