He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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