If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
