Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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