worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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