She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
