He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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