Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
