Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
