So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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