Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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