i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
