He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
