I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
