she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
