Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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