I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
