I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize