So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
