So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
