Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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