At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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