I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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