I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
