how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
this hospital has no fireball
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
