Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
