Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
