did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm going to jail i love you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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