Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
