Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Boobs speak an international language.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
