there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
