This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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