That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize