By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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